I think my vagina is haunted
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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