i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
