Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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