you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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