i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
