apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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