I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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