He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
