last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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