So drunk its hurt
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
two words: eviction party
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
