I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
