1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
