WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
