my sisters under your porch take her home
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
