were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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