just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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