I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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