she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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