i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
