Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize