Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
