how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
