Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
