apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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