i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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