I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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