i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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