I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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