The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
