were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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