Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
