i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
