She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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