Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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