Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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