She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
