I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
