dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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