I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
