with your own penis?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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