I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hippo gnu deer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
