when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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