google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
