No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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