CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
