Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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