Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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