maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
