i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just cropdusted the office
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
