I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
