Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
