Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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