OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
