I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
