in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
