I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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