yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
