I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
