Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
