I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
