i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Two words: blizzard sex
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
