i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
