She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
