Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize