i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
