i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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