I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
