something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
