Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
