Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Couch. On fire.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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