I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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