Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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